Exquisite Torture
by Kandakicksass
Summary: Sebastian and Grell have an unhealthy relationship disapproved of by all, but that's not going to stop them from sending themselves straight to ruin. Oneshot of an almost drabble-like quality.


They had been apart too long.

There was some sort of horrible melancholy about their reunion, the joy subsiding (if it had been there in the first place) as they both felt the effects of their separation. It didn't matter how gentle they were with each other, how sweet the words they murmured in the dark… their absence had left them drained.

That wasn't to say that they wanted to part ways—never! It was just that the painful longing that had overwhelmed them both, whether outward or not, wouldn't go away, and even as they lay, bodies slick with sweat, hands tangled in each other's hair, they missed each other still, the ache of their separation never quite leaving them.

They moved as one, together, both desperate. That's what their reunion was, _desperate_. They'd seen each other and immediately they were in each other's arms, tearing off clothes and fighting to be together, just to be _sure_ they really were there, the both of them, at the same time.

He heard the soft cry of his name—_Grell!_—and in response he dug the pads of his fingers, barely touching the skin with his nails, into his back, slender, smooth legs tightening around his lover's hips. Their lips connected and Grell moaned (thought it was much more like a sob and he hated it), his eyes stinging so he squeezed them closed, concentrating on the feel of Sebastian's hands as they possessed his body.

The words _I missed you_ went unsaid, but they both knew that the other had dreamt of them every night, whispered their partner's name in reverence, unable to control the hole in their chests where their hearts were, residing with the other. Large pale hands gripped strands of red hair, pulling on it to hear the man cry out again, just to make sure he was there.

Grell was crying and he felt the tears scald his cheeks, but couldn't stop them. He would feel those tears until the very moment that encouraging, reassuring heat buried deep within his body left him. God, he could scarcely believe that this was really his Sebastian, warm and alive in his arms, taking his body again.

He had felt almost sick the entire time they were apart and seeing him now, feeling him… it seemed a dream with that dizzying pain in the background. He knew this wasn't how relationships were supposed to be. He'd seen other couples, _been _a normal couple, but this was different. They were everything to each other—two halves of one soul.

Oh, but it was wrong. The jealousy burned within them constantly, the need to be together. Irrationality ruled their lives, possessiveness and that terrible _desperation _consuming them. It worried everyone around them, the dependancy in their relationship. It was almost… dysfunctional. Theirs wasn't a normal relationship, nor a healthy one.

And no one understood that, understood them. Others thought it was wrong, thought it was sick, thought they were working each other to ruin. They probably were. There was nothing healthy about their relationship; what could he say? They were never supposed to be together in the first place. A reaper and a demon. Two men. Like mixing fire and water… but with such delicious results. They couldn't stay apart, and it killed them both.

Sebastian took up his wrist and kissed the marks there, whispering his love and adoration. Whispering his pain. He still moved deep within Grell, but neither of them would have had it either way. Grell pushed the shirt that still lingered on Sebastian's body, revealing the marks on that slender chest, opened so frequently they'd yet to heal. He kissed them as well in response.

_I wanted to feel connected to you, red angel… _Grell was almost positive he'd heard the words out loud but Sebastian's lips didn't move. He was sure they'd been said but he didn't push, only took—took another kiss from Sebastian's lips, took his arousal even deeper into his body. Took every sound wrenched from his lover's lips into his own mouth. He pressed his heels into Sebastian's thighs, silently urging him to move faster. Around them all was silent; Grell couldn't even hear the crackle of the fire, which the light in his peripheral vision told him still blazed… not quite as brightly as the amber in Sebastian's eyes, though. Never as brightly as Sebastian's fire-eyes.

When they'd both finished, they just laid there, entwined in each other's arms. Neither were comfortable—Grell's head was jammed into Sebastian's throat and Sebastian's arm was trapped somewhere in between him and his reaper, bent at an awkward angle. Neither of them would have moved for the world—their bodies sated, but they needed to be closer, in each other's arms.

Grell whispered that he was glad Sebastian was home and in simple response, Sebastian rubbed his arm, nodding slightly, tucking a leg over Grell's, winding him tighter in his embrace. _I felt sick without you_. He didn't say the words out loud, but somehow Sebastian knew because he abandoned the uncomfortable embrace and instead took Grell's lips in another burning kiss, hoisting his body on top of his own.

Of course the redhead didn't argue, he just pushed back slightly, allowing Sebastian's restored erection slide into his body, thick, filling him, and he kissed Sebastian with such raw energy he was almost certain that Sebastian got his message without the use of words. They were good at reading each other's minds and just as good at getting on each other's nerves.

At first glance, one would never think they belonged together—a patron of black, and a goddess of red. Sometimes, even they didn't know how they had wound up together—one so serious, trapped in a life he'd no choice in, the other almost maniacally energetic, doing whatever he wanted, when he wanted it. But underneath the skin, underneath the hair and eyes… they were both the same. Both angry, both uncontrolled. Forces of nature, more solemn than anyone else knew. No one really knew them except each other. That was a given fact.

They loved each other one more time, curtained by seemingly endless waves of scarlet hair, before they came again, dirtying the sheets and themselves further. This time, though, they left the bed and cleaned themselves with a rag, before getting dressed so close together they barely had room to get their legs into their slacks without disrupting the other. Finally, they were presentable and left, met their friends silently, hand in hand, walking closely together.

Sebastian's master watched their entrance with tightly closed lips. They both knew what he thought of their relationship—Grell did believe it had been Ciel who had first told them it was unhealthy to be as dependent upon each other as they were. William, on the other hand, simply looked the other way. He could barely stand to see them together, reminding them how little everyone else understood.

Grell hated them, another part of their curse. People he'd once considered his friends, people he still loved and cared for, he hated them. People who had never done him wrong, people who surely didn't deserve his hatred. He wanted them all to burn and he'd no idea why. Some for threatening his hold on Sebastian, perhaps. Some just because he didn't _need _them. He didn't want to worry about anyone other than Sebastian. He wanted them all to go away, and sometimes it frightened him thinking about what he was willing to do to those people he'd loved and now hated, about the lengths he would be willing to go to.

Grell felt Sebastian's hand tighten, his palm cool, and Grell squeezed back. They could barely remember how this had started between them—one offhand comment, a little persuasion from Grell's part—neither of them had known then what they would become. Neither of them realized until their first absence how badly they'd come to rely upon each other, how tightly fused their souls were.

_Kill me, kiss me, hold me, hang me._

Their entire lives summarized in a verse. Love bound by obsession and monophobia. Sick, twisted, unhealthy. All of those things, pointed out by others too closed-minded to understand or accept. Their judgments were wasted, fallen on ears deaf except for words spoken by the other, eyes blind to anything else but the beauty and horror of their counterpart. Their relationship was practically a dual death warrant. They would never be able to wander the world apart—if one managed it, the other would wither, and die.

They already knew the consequences of their affair, knew their fate. Still, when Sebastian whispered to him that he loved him before they sat at the table with the others, Grell pushed it aside. They were doomed, this was inevitable. Such exquisite torture, their love.

They would rather die together than live apart, and Grell was willing to spend an eternity in hell with Sebastian rather than waste in heaven without him.

**Kandakicksass**


End file.
